You never get a second chance...

To make a first impression.

This weekend after the graduation Tiffany and I went to the mall because I needed... no HAD to buy some Burberry Summer perfume.

(If you haven't tried it you totally should)

So anyways... There is this guy that works in the shoe department at Belk that I think is so good looking. I first noticed him about a year or so ago, however never mentioned him to Tiff til about 2 shopping trips ago.

If you know me then you know that I have been on this big kick lately on wanting someone who has there shit together(for lack of a better phrase...actually I could think of a ton of phrases that sound better but that is my preferred line.) Sadly enough there aren't very many people these days and in this economy who have that, but that is a story for another day. So, I know what you're thinking... shoe salesman isn't exactly a preferred career. So Tiffany and I so politely mapped out his chosen path. (He can thank us later.) So this guy is a rich kid going to school, probably a senior... no definitely a senior...wait... working on his masters whose parents wanted to instill in him the proper work ethic and teach him the value of a dollar so he is starting at the bottom quickly working his way into the upper management realm of Belk Inc.

So, we go into Belk first looking at the sunglasses. Karmically, no one is attending the jewelry department for us to purchase the aforementioned sunglasses. This means we have to go to the shoe department (wink wink...) to buy them because there doesn't happen to be 42 other departments with registers that will scan a pair of sunglasses. But in my defense the shoe dept. is the closest! Somehow he tragically disappeared behind 800 boxes of flip flops and we are waited on by the shoe Nazi (she's a bitch, you'll see why soon.)

After our purchase we linger around the fragrance dept (knowing I will be making my purchase in Sephora)

Blah, Blah, Blah... we go to Sephora, I buy, we leave.

On our way back out we stop in the jewelry (not a total bust I finally found my wishbone necklace). As we are standing there and Tiffany is calling my name like I am a mile away even though I am less than 3 feet from her, shoe guy saunters from the shoes to the counter we are standing.

Shoe guy: "May I help you?" (truthfully I had no idea what he said. My nerves were churning and honestly I just now had to call and ask Tiff what he said.)

So me, in all my glory come out with the BIGGEST Jackson moment I have ever had. I screamed "NO" and it was at least 6 octaves above my normal tone. It was purely surreal. Of course I was avoiding any eye contact and all I could see was the horror registered on Tiff's face which kind of said: WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

If God had mercy he would have killed me then.

Tiff tried to make me feel better by saying that maybe he thinks I am deaf.

So after that embarrassing moment I still needed to purchase the necklace, and as previously stated, the shoe dept. happened to be closest.

So, Tiff decides to leave me to this on my own.. God only knows why after I ruptured her ear drums. I think she was secretly embarrassed to be seen with me after that, not that I can imagine why...

So, I go to the counter next to the flip flops.

Enter shoe Nazi...

I am standing there, he is no where in sight (truthfully I am relieved. I just want this day to be over, but I had to get the necklace.)

As shoe Nazi in her warm loving spirit is ringing me up she decides to announce... wait SCREAM

Shoe Nazi: "This necklace is not on sale."

Me: (confusion on my face) I... ugh... didn't think it was.

Shoe Nazi: "No, I mean it is not ringing up on sale" (Hmmm... so what you're saying is, this necklace is not on sale? But seriously, do I look like I can't buy a freaking necklace?)

Me: "I know that, I didn't think it was."

Now... to make matter worse. I have just degraded myself from a deaf person to straight up white trash arguing about a price because....

Shoe guy happened to come out of a door and stand less than 3 feet from the entire encounter. If I ever wanted to black out and forget something it was this moment!

After hanging my head and sulking my way back to Tiff who had abandoned me she looks at me and says while smiling " Oh my god, He was staring a hole through you."

I said "I know... but I can promise you it is NOT for any reason you're thinking."

This guy could have been my sole mate! (haha)

So, Shoe guy at Belk in West Town Mall: if you're reading this, I am not deaf and I can afford a necklace, I did not think it was on sale and call me sometime!