"This is how it works, you're young until you're not, you love until don't, you try until you can't, you laugh until you cry, you cry until you laugh, and everyone must breath until their dying breath" - Regina Spektor

LOVE IT!

I'm back!

So sorry it has taken me so long, I have suffered a nasty spell of writer's block! It isn't that I haven't had anything to write about, I just couldn't make myself write it! But, I am back!

About a week after my last post, I had a surreal moment! You won't believe it! If you don't remember the last one you can read it, but to summarize it was about celebrity dating shows...

So, I am standing in the shoe dept. at Belk (sad... I know...) and Tiffany was getting her watch fixed at the jewelry counter when my cell phone rings. I look at the id and it is Tiffany. I look at her and she has a huge giddy smile on her face. So I answer it and she says "Hoops is standing right in front of you!"

Now, for those of you who don't watch all of these shows, Hoops was the season 1 winner of Flavor of Love. She was always my favorite and I still don't understand why in the world she would go on a show to win dates with what i consider the ugliest man alive, next to Snoop Dogg. However...

I look up and there is a woman looking at the same table as I am with a very distinct likeness to Hoops. I smile at Tiff and mumble something to the effect of "Yeah.. uh-huh"

Tiff said "No it really is" and I said "I know, it looks just like her!"

So then, Tiff and I meet back up and she tells me the whole story about all of the people around here were talking about it and that it was in fact Hoops! Now, she is not at all what I expected, she is barely 5' tall, and her arms are all tatted up!

As we exit the store and get into the car, Hoops does the same with her entourage--a very different story entirely! So in the car, with the blog in mind I decide we are going to do a drive by and take a picture so that I can show you! The picture isn't great, but hopefully you will at least get a laugh about the fact we even attempted to take one!

I am not sure if you are able to see, but she is in front of the guy in the blue shirt, mostly covered by the car!

Earlier this week, I was given an opportunity in which I turned down, to go hang out with and even play rockband with hoops! haha! You can ask Alivia how that was!

Reality Bites

So, Tiffany and I were talking this morning and she was telling me about the latest reality show scandal. Apparently Megan from Megan Wants a Millionaire was really loving this guy on her show. He was attractive and his net worth was something like 3 million! Turns out he, like everyone else on these shows had a few skeletons in his closet. His closet however is a little darker!

He is wanted for murder!

Big surprise - her show got canceled!

We were talking about what it would be like if I ended up getting on a television dating show. This is how it would be.

I would be excited, not going to lie because I would assume it would be something tasteful like the Bachelor!

WRONG!

Anyone who knows me, knows my luck and I would get stuck on something like Real Chance at Love!

Our conversation went on to discuss the mandatory nicknames (since these eligible men obviously can't remember real names unless they have heard them over the speaker introducing the next stripper...)

And this is how it would go:

If I were to be on Real Chance at Love I can see myself telling them that I graduated from college and have a job. Being in awe of this considering it may not even be a requirement of the show to have graduated from high school or have a GED, they would naturally want to give me a "smart" sounding nickname. They would think on it and come up with none other than.... Anastasia. When asked why that was my nickname because I wouldn't know how that sounds smart they would reply "it is the name with the most letters we could think of... plus if you look at it it kind of looks like "a-nasty-uh"

(The Stallionairs! HAHA! Chance and Real -or as I like to refer to him "The cowardly lion")

Now, if I was going to be on For the Love of Ray J, I wouldn't even have to speak. He would take one look at me, decide I look Asian (as discussed in a previous blog) and dub me "Asia." We all know that it couldn't be much deeper than how I look with Ray J.

(Ray J)

On to Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. This is my personal favorite! I can see myself saying that I am from Tennessee waiting for my charming southern name like "Belle for southern belle, or something off the wall that he would care about like "Whiskey" (since Jack Daniels is made in Tennessee) but instead he comes out with "Dirty" because apparently I "represent the dirty south." Are you kidding me?

(Bret Michaels)

And finally, onto the mother of all reality dating shows... Flavor of Love. I would tell Flava Flav that I am a nurse, I enjoy being outside and especially golfing. Then (drumroll please....) he names me "Bouncy." Upon seeing the confused, WTF look on my face he would say "YEEEEAAAHHH BOOOOOOY!" I would have to ask how that has anything to do with me (it obviously has nothing to do with me) his response would only be a blank stare as he did not understand that I was speaking!

(Flavor Flav)

Sadly, I would never find out why my name was "Bouncy" because in this show, like all the others, I would have gone home before the second episode. Why is this you might ask... well because I would end up getting my ass kicked because I never wanted to make out with other contestants and refused to strip. It would be a mass mob trying to figure out why they couldn't pull out my extensions not realizing that I have what is considered real hair! I wouldn't care though, because I would have been on a drinking binge for so long because I couldn't stand it that I would never be the same!

Needless to say, don't be watching out for me!

On a sad note I have lost/temporarily misplaced my ipod. I sincerely hope for the misplaced because I will die at work this week without it!

You know what is great?

Going shopping and having the sales guy MAKE you model EVERYTHING, while he runs back out and grabs things that he thinks will look "fabulous" on you!

But... Only if you are pretty sure he bats for the other team... :)

So about 6 months ago my friend Jerrell was going to San Fran on a vacation. He wanted to go shopping in Nashville to find some stuff to take on his trip. He asked me if I would like to go, and I said sure because I had nothing else to do!

We were going in a whole bunch of stores, finding nothing. I wasn't even looking to spend money. We found ourselves in Express. Jerrell found nothing, and I found a shirt I decided to try on. I told Jerrell I would catch up to him in the next store.

Enter: my best friend for the day!

The salesman started me a fitting room and I tried on my one shirt... While I am in there I hear "Come out when you have it on, I want to see it!"

So I said "Ok..."

And from there we were fast friends!

It began with him telling me it looked "good, but there he had something in mind that would be way better"

He brought about 6 pieces to the fitting room asking again for me to show them to him. Now, I am 100% confident that he was not into me, as I lack a few parts he would be interested in.

This went on for 2 HOURS! Even through one of his friends coming in and trying things on. She was not a large girl, but was at least a size bigger than I am (that is generous). She was saying that the pants I had on were great, and she loved the top. She wanted to try it on, would I mind handing it over when I was finished! This was provoked a line of snickers and smirks from my new best friend! When she closed the door, he leaned over and whispered in my ear something to the effect that she was crazy if she thought she could wear that size and that she is deluded for thinking that she could even pull it over her head!

It was great fun! 3 calls from Jerrell and $200 dollars later, I left feeling much more confident and with me owning a pair of skinny jeans I NEVER dreamed I would own, and a pair of black leggings that I vowed were the ugliest things, and I would never waste money on!

Needless to say, I am glad he wasn't a car salesman!

I am a little late blogging about this, but better late than never... Right?

You've seen him in "The Office" as the pompous, Cornell grad with anger management issues. Now see him as the most hilarious character in a movie so funny it surpasses "Old School." Intro ducting Ed Helms as Dr. Stu Price in "The Hangover"

I absolutely love this guy! I just can't get enough. I have seen "The Hangover" 3 times, and if given the opportunity I would go again.

When it comes out... I'll buy it!

I was going to put up a youtube video for your enjoyment, but I can't find one that will let me embed it. So in your own free time, if you need a laugh, youtube Andy Bernard!

It is time...

...to get a bit more personal.

I am 23-years-old. I am young. I have a lifetime ahead of me. I am sad.

For some reason I feel like I should be at a point in my life where I should be settling down. I hate this. I don't mean settling down like, stop going out with my friends but instead finding someone and finding me and who I will be for the rest of my life.

Why is it that girls have this "clock" in their heads. I know that I am young and do not need to be in any type of hurry, but it is a constant battle in my mind between the part of me that knows that, and the part that has listened to all decades and generations of woman who find it unacceptable that I am 23 and single! Call it "old school" if you will.

I am also from a small town (strike 2 against me.) It seems to me that these small towns continue to abide by the precedence before us.

I am in no hurry to find someone (that side of me wins out) but, that incessant tick-tock is a dull hum in the back of my mind.

I tend to find myself in situations often where I know that I am not happy and do not see a future with someone that is (for lack of a better word) "pursuing" me. That sounds more harsh than I meant. I mean this in no negative way, but you just know when something isn't right, and it is nothing that either of you have done, but it isn't anything that can be fixed. But in those times, I find it very difficult to sever the relationship (that I somehow didn't know I was in, in the first place.)

So this is my creed, my manifesto, my declaration:

I will NOT be a person that settles. Someone that takes what she can get because it is what is available, and it is what is easy. I will no longer be the person that is unhappy because it is easier to be unhappy than it is to hurt someone's feelings (even though I am positive they will be thankful one day!)

Undoubtedly, I will continue to people-please because that is my personality, and I enjoy seeing others happy. I will however take my own well-being into consideration and as a larger part of the equation.

Ten Things That Make Me Terribly Happy

So I have been reading this blog (rockstar diaries-you should definitely check it out) and anyway she did a list of 10 things that make her terribly happy then asked her followers to send her their list. She has been putting them up on her blog and they are quite delightful! So.. I have decided to make my list (in no particular order) and post it here for you to see!




10 Things That Make Me Terribly Happy:





1. The smell of home when you walk in the door from being away

2. The first sip of a fountain drink out of a styrofoam cup

3 FAMILY - i have some of the greatest

4. Being on my own paying my own bills and supporting myself

5. My new found love of change! (haircut, lipstick, eyeliner, blogging, etc...)

6. The smell of a book.

7. The difference of listening to a song with earphones on!

8. The smell of a summer rain (ok... I've noticed that most of my list are smells!)

9. Days that I know my job has made a difference

10. Feeling every emotion, good or bad, and being thankful for the bad ones that make the good ones just that much sweeter!

LOVE IT!

Loving Safetysuit right now! They haven't gotten much radio play here, but they are on Vh-1 top 20!

Check out: Stay, Gone Away, Anwhere But Here, and Find A Way.

Also, if you haven't heard of Ryan Adams you should check him out too. He is ... different. I love it. Listen to "La Cienega Just Smiled"

Hope you are having a wonderful week so far.

I did it...

I went on the aforementioned blind date. I am actually proud of myself for going. I don't usually do that sort of thing, but it was hard not to when twice in one week my grandmother stated "You will never find someone" TO MY FACE. It isn't like she was secretly wondering with my mother behind my back. If she says that to my face, I wonder what she says when I'm not there... Scratch that, I don't want to know!

I had a very nice time. We had a good dinner, nice chat, good company (did I mention it was a double date with Bethanie and her boyfriend?)

True to form, however, someone you haven't seen in 5 years isn't the most equipped person to set you up with someone you will have a connection with.

Don't get me wrong this guy was very nice and I could see why she would be setting him up with someone, but for me... I just wasn't attracted to him. Not just physically, but on a personal level either. We just didn't mesh well.

Which brings me to my next point...

Why is it that I can talk to someone I'm not attracted to and be totally charming (that may be a stretch, I may think I am being charming, but they may disagree) but as soon as you get me in front of someone I am attracted to I become a mute? Not just a mute, but uninteresting, and I develop a stutter? Oh, yeah... You know that noise you get in your head when you become light-headed and are about to pass out. That humming noise is all I can hear. I don't even know what they are saying to me!

Let me ask you this: When did you graduate?

That probably took you all of about 4 seconds to answer.

NOT ME!

I was introduced to someone recently and was presented with that question (Insert humming noise - hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm). What do I do? Oh, yeah... That's right. I start mumbling trying desperately to say "Last May" and although I am searching for the words (out loud to make the matter worse) I FINALLY come up with "A year ago."

Yes, "a year ago" got the job done, but only after I fumbled around forever!

What am I going to do with myself?

Proof

Here is proof that I do play golf, and I don't just watch it for the charming good looks of one Australian golfer!

This is my step-dad and I after I just played the best round of golf in my life... some 30-something strokes worse than what a professional would play! :)

But, I enjoy it and it gets me outside in the sunshine (something hard to do when you work nights!)

HEEELLLLOOOOO

Adam Scott

Australian golfer Adam Scott

Umm... Yeah... WOW.

I must say that I have always really enjoyed golf, I even played 3 times while I was at the beach on vacation. Like I said in my previous post I really did sit in the room a couple of hours one day watching the U.S. Open and that man made it easier to watch! :)

Not the entire reason that I watched it, but it didn't hurt.

He has been on the U.S. Pro Tour for a couple of years now, but is in a slight slump at the moment. Perhaps he is a little distracted - He has been spotted with Kate Hudson lately. But who could blame him? She is great, and I hope it works out for them! But... if it didn't, I would be willing to be set up with this guy! :)

Long lost friends...

On vacation, sitting in the condo watching the U.S. Open I received a text message from someone I went to high school with. Bethanie (note: her name is spelled with and "ie" and the end and mine with a "y") texted me to see what I was doing, tell me that she would like to hang out soon.

So yes, I am excited about it. I tell her we should definitely get together. Then comes the curve ball...

While I really adore Bethanie, I haven't really seen/spoken to her in about 5 years. So then she drops the bomb.

Enter: the set-up.

Bethanie basically has this guy that she would like to set me up with. My first thought - "Am I really so pathetic that people who I haven't seen or talked to in 5 years are trying to set me up with people?"

However, I have decided that I will go on this date with this guy that obviously made her think of me after an estranged 5 years. This incidence has yet to occur, but you will know when it does.

How many times on this trip must I be reminded "I am without love?"

It still makes me laugh!

Never...

cut bangs right before you go to the beach when you have naturally curly hair! And this is why...

Before going outside....

After being outside

I love my bangs, really I do. You should definitely see them when I wake up or when my hair decides to do whatever it wants to do. This particular night, one half of my head decided to curl and have a mind of its own, while the other wanted to fall flat! WHY?

Not to mention... for some reason my bangs want to part RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE. Now I can honestly say that I have NEVER parted my hair down the middle and my natural part is NOT in the middle. So why now do they decide to do whatever they chose to do?

When they get a mind of their own they make for a pretty rockin mullet! They part perfectly down the center and feather out to the sides, all I have to do is put my hair behind my ears and TA-DA... The "Billy Ray Cyrus mullet" lives again! I will save you the side-splitting laughter and not post a picture. But if you ever happen to see me after I get out of the water... Watch out!

Mullets: Business in the front, Party in the back!

Perhaps this is why I'm "The only one without love." Ha!

Family vacation

Ok... writer's block, I am done with you! I have decided to stop procrastination (what I do best) and get serious about my blog again. I may not write about important things, I'm not changing the world or solving world hunger but it does wonderful things for me! Indescribable!

Almost my entire family went on this trip with the exception of my granny and papaw (unforeseen circumstances prevented them from going.)

My mother, step-father, brother, sister-in-law, her daughter, my nephew, aunt, uncle and their two kids went to Destin, FL and shared a 3 bedroom condo. It was great.

Here are a few pictures I took while there:

(there will be a later blog about the food I enjoyed :) )

Me by myself - a recurrent theme throughout the trip... funny story coming soon (read on)

My mother and step-father. Aren't they adorable?

Aunt (Tiffany), Uncle (Andy), Alivia, and Jackson

Brother (Blake), Sister-in-law (Leigha), Ella, and Hudson

Me and Alivia. My "protege" (Thanks for the term Leigha! I think I spelled it right.)

Me and the little charmer we so loving call "the boss!"

I am serious when I say that I could not ask for a better step-father!

So, the above picture is me and "my love." As we are all sitting in the condo, minding our own business, doing our own thing Jackson says:

"Beffy, you are the only one here without love."

Thank you, Jackson! He had worked his little brain to understand that My Mom had Ken, Blake had Leigha, and Tiff had Andy... Leaving "Beffy" with, well... No one! So I have all these great family pictures to show of everyone there, and then I have mine, including me and... well... myself!

Oh, the things that come out of the mouth of babes! More about my trip coming very soon.

Mission Impossible

First off, the MOST important tool for a nurse to have is not tape, scissors, or even a great pair of hemostats, no matter what you may have heard! Without question it is... (drum roll, please)... a large quantity of GREAT pens! This is why I have a favorite and happen to be very protective of them. I am serious when I say that people will literally steal your pens on purpose.

These little gems just happen to be my very favorite!

Now... In my hospital each floor stocks it's employees with pens. My unit gets stuck with these crappy things:

As you can see.. these are not the click top kind, making it easy to poke and write on yourself as you are trying to put them in your pocket!

There are certain floors however that supply their employees with the pens that I can only drool over. I had a supply of these tallying approximately 3! Yes, 3 whole pens! Eventually my stash dwindled down to 1...

Then I had a thought. I knew of 2 floors that stocked said pens. So I sent my friend Ryan/Will (whichever your prefer) a text. The text said (with a picture included):

"Your mission if you choose to accept: locate and acquire 3-4 of these pens." I went on to tip him off as to which floors happend to have these pens in stock.

Fast forward to the next night on my way into work.....

My mother calls me as I am getting into my car. My great grandfather has had a heart attack and I need to come home. I go into work and discuss this with the people that I need to, am waiting to get the answer if I can leave or if I have to stay (yes in my occupation they can pretty much make you stay) when I open my locker...

I have 3 pens (the good ones) taped together with a note attached:

"Enjoy, this wasn't easy. This message will self destruct in 5 seconds."

Ok... sad face is on before I open my locker, and yes I am sad.. but I also can't have a glimpse of any other emotion if I have any hope of taking off. Open my locker and all traces of sad face are gone replaced by happy/laughing face. I physically could not stop laughing.

Let it be said that NONE of my other friends would have understood when I said "your mission if you choose to accept " let alone actually play along with it ("...this message will self destruct...")!

But... the moral of the story is that only some of the greatest friends can make you laugh at inappropriate times and make you feel better even without trying or knowing what is going on! So find some great ones and surround yourself in that type of person!

So... Ryan thank you for being a great friend, and I am waiting on my payment for watching kitty! haha... j/k!

Also... the best part of this story is hearing him recap how these pens came into his possession. I am going to give you the link to his blog and I am giving him exactly 1 week to blog his account or I will be forced to do it for him, and it just isn't nearly as funny coming from me!

http://takemyadvice-ryan.blogspot.com/

I've been gone too long...

First let's take a moment to mourn the death of a pop icon... Michael Jackson, regardless of his recent bad publicity, was without a doubt the most iconic pop star of all time. It is sad, however that my generation will never know him when he was in his prime making songs that will forever be a milestone in music, instead we know him in all his baby hanging off the balcony, alleged pedophilia drama.

I would recommend listening to my favorite song right now in his memory, but there were truthfully so many I couldn't choose just one (although I am sick of them all now because that is all that has been played in a 2 day period!).

I know I have been away for far too long, and I do have blogs to write, I will be pumping them out one at a time as I get the time. I promise. Here's a little preview:

1. The most important tool for a nurse to have, and how valuable a friendship can be. (Yes there is a tie in to that story, I'm not just making it a 2-in-1.

2. My family beach trip :)

3. Beach and my fashion disaster

4. LONG LOST friends

5. HELLO... Adam Scott

6. Young love

These may not sound entertaining, but I do promise that by the time they are written and you actually get to read them, they should at least bring a slight smile to your face! I hope at least!

I'm so ready for...

The beach!

I got a new beach hat! I am so excited to wear it. I have attempted to leave the house in it a couple of times since the purchase, but so far I haven't been able to do it. It did actually make it to the car once though... where I promptly removed it and stuck it in the backseat and quickly replaced with sunglasses!

Also... if you look closely you can see the infamous wishbone necklace! :) I do just absolutely love this necklace. I even wear it to work... haha... funny story:

Last night at work I was starting an iv on a patient and I was leaned over scoping out my venous options and he said "I like your necklace." And in hearing this, I quickly made a mental note to wear an undershirt when I go to work! Jerrell confirmed my suspicions by telling me that anytime a guy compliments your necklace what he is really saying is: "I'm looking at your boobs!"

(This is Jerrell.... He watches out for me!)

I get this look from him a lot... Haha!

BINGO

Shoe guy has a name! And it's.... Aaron!

And yes, that is a picture of the receipt I earned by allowing him to help me...

True story:

I am going to the beach with the fam next week. I was in desperate need for a new bathing suit so Tiff and I decided to go shopping. My mom and grandmother wanted to go also so we made it a girls trip.

We began the day by eating lunch at Parkside grill, chatting and having a good time. I don't usually talk to my mom about guys and/or relationships. Not that I can't but she just gets too worked up and into it for her own good. Apparently I "only talk to guys long enough to stop liking them." Correct me if I am wrong but I thought that is what you did. Get to know someone, see if you are compatible, and if not stop wasting their time.

Well I guess I was feeling particularly open and in a sharing mood, so I enthralled my mother and grandmother in the belk shoe guy saga. I thought... "no harm done." Tiff and I already decided that he probably wasn't working that day anyways.

Now, my grandmother isn't much of a shopper these days. She likes to look around in Belk and sits in the shoes until we are finished. This has been a long standing tradition, pre-dating shoe guy and his story.

We arrive.

I go directly into the swim suit section to do what no woman in her right mind enjoys doing: trying on bathing suits. As I turn around Tiffany makes a miraculous Houdini appearance with a Cheshire cat sized grin on her face. Ding ding ding... I know what that means... He's working.

I find a bathing suit... Black... big surprise. I am super satisfied with my cover-up that I bought that honestly is ridiculously overpriced, but oh-so-adorable.

I would also like to say that I am now a proud owner of a Belk card... used purely to build credit etc... yada, yada, yada....

As the lady is setting up my account she tells me that throughout the ENTIRE day I will be able to save 15% on ANY and all ITEMS in the store. NO EXCLUSIONS! (Trust me that this is a vital part of the story and I am not simply rambling)

After charging my swim suit (yeah... I said it!) Tiff and I made a mad dash for the MAC counter. I purchased us both a tube of lipstick (Happy Birthday Tiff... I know, I'm a big spender!) and got my 15% off!

Then it was time to meet up with my mom and grandmother...

I spot Granny in the shoes, with Aaron (I suppose I can call him by his name now) less than 10 feet away. No way am I going over there now. So I start on the opposite side of the department looking for a pair of black sandals. (Truthfully, I am in dire need of some black sandals, and if anyone sees a cute pair PLEASE tell me!)

I finally make it over to granny and Tiff gushes that it was in fact him standing in front of granny right before. So my granny says (and I SWEAR...) "That was him? He has really big feet! I just kept staring at his feet!"

Oh god... (now don't tell me you haven't heard the saying about the size of a man's foot...) Tiff looked at me and said (as if I am not red enough in the face) "That could be really good, Bethany!"

Naturally, Tiff and I bust out laughing like fools. Apparently my grandmother has also head this fable and starts laughing too. About that time my mother comes up. All the while I am truthfully looking at a pair of shoes.

After relentless prompting, I decide to try them on. Who should walk by??? Aaron.

Aaron: "Can I help you?"
Me: "Umm.. yeah, can I try this on in a 9? (this is humiliating, given that a size 9 shoe is pretty large relative to my stature.)

Aaron: "Sure. Is anyone helping you?" (So I have no idea why he would say this unless he thinks I just asked him to be asking him... I mean I would have gladly avoided conversation to save myself from looking like a fool and asked someone else if he didn't approach me)

Me: "No..."

He disappears.

With my "entourage" of family sitting 3 feet behind me, I hear wispers, laughter, and giggles. So I turn around, only to be told to turn back around and pretend they aren't there... Right... That is just so easy to do...

He returns with the shoes, hands me the box and says

Aaron: "We only had an 8 1/2.

Great, now I am trying on a pair of shoes that I HATE anyways (they are hideous, I thought they were cute at first but once they are on... Eww...) in a half a size too small, and I am just going to have to buy them so he doesn't think that I was just tring to get him to talk to me!

I know... I have a very warped way of thinking.

So, I know I am buying these regardless, but as I am looking at them in the mirror, he walks up

Aaron: "Is everything ok?"

Uh-oh... here it is... Jackson moment #2. I said yes in that strange voice I have no control over and my face flooded with blood immediately.

I stall a few more minutes before I go to make my purchase. I walk towards the register and who else comes to help, but Aaron.

Aaron: "Are you ready?" (Ready for what? :) just kidding!)

Me: "Yeah"

He rings me up and in my head a million things are going on. I will give you a list:

1. I can't use my temporary Belk card because I don't want him to know that I just signed up for a credit card today.
2. Don't say anything stupid, clearly articulate your words.
3. I really want to use my Belk card so I can get 15% off
4. Don't blush.
5. Screw it, I'm taking these shoes back to another Belk store anyways.
6. Don't look embarrassed.
7. As I open my wallet, I realize where my driver's license should be is a picture of my ADORABLE step-niece, Ella.
8. OH SHIT... If he sees Ella, he'll think I have a kid.
9. Wow... I really like him in a coral shirt.
10. Look for a name tag.
11. No name tag... dang.
12. It's almost over, then you can get embarrassed.

So, finally it is almost over. He puts the shoes in a bag, grabs the receipt sticks it in the side of the bag and walks around the counter. He looks at the bag making sure I can see the receipt and points directly to it and says "I put your receipt in the bag."

As he does this I grow a small pair of you know what and look directly up trying to look more than just a glance into his eyes. As I do... HE HAS A JACKSON MOMENT!

As he is trying to say "have a nice day," it comes out in a HUGE jumble. It kind of sounds like "Havkjij kdie ay"

In a state of shock and confusion I so brilliantly show the range of my vocabulary and comeback with... "Huh?"

He looked at the ground laughing slightly and said "Sorry, have a nice day."

Then I was off...

Any thoughts??? What should I do now...? Something or nothing?

(My full price receipt on a pair of ugly shoes I could have gotten 15% off.)


(The infamous shoes)

Dancing queen

Meet Alivia! I haven't gotten to introduced you to her yet. She is 10 going on 25! She has always been so grown up. When she was a baby she used to crawl in the bed and watch soap opras with her mom!

This weekend was her much anticipated spring dance recital. She had a modern routine, a jazz routine and a hip-hop routine! I have to say that she is definitely something when it comes to hip-hop. She did great! :)

I'm so proud of her. She really fits in the spotlight!

But check out the BEAUTIFUL B&W's her mom and I took before the recital.

Watching her dance made me wonder why my mom never put me in dance when I was little. I am uncoordinated and have 2 left feet... sigh...

I definitely think that dance is good for little girls. It puts them out there in front of an audience and what can only improve their confidence. I watched as her best friend, Kinley, (who I always thought of as shy) dance on stage in front of tons of people smiling and dancing like no one was watching!

And since I wasn't in dance I will blame my inability to talk to shoe guy on that! :)

"See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen..."

You never get a second chance...

To make a first impression.

This weekend after the graduation Tiffany and I went to the mall because I needed... no HAD to buy some Burberry Summer perfume.

(If you haven't tried it you totally should)

So anyways... There is this guy that works in the shoe department at Belk that I think is so good looking. I first noticed him about a year or so ago, however never mentioned him to Tiff til about 2 shopping trips ago.

If you know me then you know that I have been on this big kick lately on wanting someone who has there shit together(for lack of a better phrase...actually I could think of a ton of phrases that sound better but that is my preferred line.) Sadly enough there aren't very many people these days and in this economy who have that, but that is a story for another day. So, I know what you're thinking... shoe salesman isn't exactly a preferred career. So Tiffany and I so politely mapped out his chosen path. (He can thank us later.) So this guy is a rich kid going to school, probably a senior... no definitely a senior...wait... working on his masters whose parents wanted to instill in him the proper work ethic and teach him the value of a dollar so he is starting at the bottom quickly working his way into the upper management realm of Belk Inc.

So, we go into Belk first looking at the sunglasses. Karmically, no one is attending the jewelry department for us to purchase the aforementioned sunglasses. This means we have to go to the shoe department (wink wink...) to buy them because there doesn't happen to be 42 other departments with registers that will scan a pair of sunglasses. But in my defense the shoe dept. is the closest! Somehow he tragically disappeared behind 800 boxes of flip flops and we are waited on by the shoe Nazi (she's a bitch, you'll see why soon.)

After our purchase we linger around the fragrance dept (knowing I will be making my purchase in Sephora)

Blah, Blah, Blah... we go to Sephora, I buy, we leave.

On our way back out we stop in the jewelry (not a total bust I finally found my wishbone necklace). As we are standing there and Tiffany is calling my name like I am a mile away even though I am less than 3 feet from her, shoe guy saunters from the shoes to the counter we are standing.

Shoe guy: "May I help you?" (truthfully I had no idea what he said. My nerves were churning and honestly I just now had to call and ask Tiff what he said.)

So me, in all my glory come out with the BIGGEST Jackson moment I have ever had. I screamed "NO" and it was at least 6 octaves above my normal tone. It was purely surreal. Of course I was avoiding any eye contact and all I could see was the horror registered on Tiff's face which kind of said: WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

If God had mercy he would have killed me then.

Tiff tried to make me feel better by saying that maybe he thinks I am deaf.

So after that embarrassing moment I still needed to purchase the necklace, and as previously stated, the shoe dept. happened to be closest.

So, Tiff decides to leave me to this on my own.. God only knows why after I ruptured her ear drums. I think she was secretly embarrassed to be seen with me after that, not that I can imagine why...

So, I go to the counter next to the flip flops.

Enter shoe Nazi...

I am standing there, he is no where in sight (truthfully I am relieved. I just want this day to be over, but I had to get the necklace.)

As shoe Nazi in her warm loving spirit is ringing me up she decides to announce... wait SCREAM

Shoe Nazi: "This necklace is not on sale."

Me: (confusion on my face) I... ugh... didn't think it was.

Shoe Nazi: "No, I mean it is not ringing up on sale" (Hmmm... so what you're saying is, this necklace is not on sale? But seriously, do I look like I can't buy a freaking necklace?)

Me: "I know that, I didn't think it was."

Now... to make matter worse. I have just degraded myself from a deaf person to straight up white trash arguing about a price because....

Shoe guy happened to come out of a door and stand less than 3 feet from the entire encounter. If I ever wanted to black out and forget something it was this moment!

After hanging my head and sulking my way back to Tiff who had abandoned me she looks at me and says while smiling " Oh my god, He was staring a hole through you."

I said "I know... but I can promise you it is NOT for any reason you're thinking."

This guy could have been my sole mate! (haha)

So, Shoe guy at Belk in West Town Mall: if you're reading this, I am not deaf and I can afford a necklace, I did not think it was on sale and call me sometime!

Graduation

They did it! They graduated from kindergarten!

Congratulations Jackson and Emery!

(Look at him... So happy to be there)

Such a ladies man... He later told me that this little girl (Emily) told him, and I quote "You're a hot tamale!"

Jackson is our born entertainer. He is always star of the show, in front of anyone always center of attention, dancing, singing, anything to entertain. I'm serious! After my previous blog talking regarding being upstaged by Jackson and Emery, a friend said, "Something tells me he will be upstaging people his whole life." I have never agreed with anything more... until...

He had a speaking part in his ceremony.

It started with him walking to the microphone

"My teacher wanted to teach me things..."

After that it was like some alien took over. His face got red, his voice...I don't even know how to describe it. I looked at his mom and said "is that even English?" The poor child was so embarrassed he looked like he could start crying his eyes out! I laughed at first, then I heard everyone else laughing and my fight/flight system kicked in... only flight wasn't an option! I wanted to run up there and just hold him and chastise every adult that was laughing. Now... don't get me wrong because everyone that actually knows Jackson had the right to laugh, but everyone that didn't... Well let's just say I WISH they had to answer to me!

Once he began getting embarrassed he looked at his mom and the nervous laughter began. He had the giggles for about 2 seconds before he walked away from the mic.

The poor baby was given a speaking part and stage fright kicked in, full gear! Our little entertainer was entertaining no more. He was scared and I wanted to make it better, only I couldn't! He isn't even my kid and I was that territorial!

Aww... I could tear up thinking about it!

(And this is the result of his public humiliation. He spent the rest of the time turned around in his chair, facing away from his cruel audience.)

He quickly cheered up again as soon as the ceremony was over though. Hopefully without too much damage done to his morale.

(Have you ever seen such a BEAUTIFUL little boy? I didn't think so...)

On a side note: I would just like to say that before naming your child you should at least have to survey 20 people. At this graduation I encountered 4 children that just may end up doing some serious damage to society for having lived with names so terrible that damage may never be repaired. Let's evaluate:

Charles (Sadly... not the worst)

Tolly (Seriously???)

Ivy (Really???)
and...

Glenda (come on...)

Parents... Please don't do this to your children!

Do I look....

ASIAN to you?

Since I was little people have told me that I look asian! Well, now that I cut my bangs it has gotten ridiculous. I went out the other night and I AM NOT KIDDING... 8 times in that one night, someone told me I looked asian.

8...?

Yes, I may have the smallest squinty eyes ever... but look at my skin... I'm as white as can be! I don't have cool asian cheekbones and I don't remember a time when I met an asian with as many freckles I have!

WHAT???

Will someone please tell me the purpose of having scented handles on your razor?????

I have done nothing this week...

except lay on my couch and catch up on my dvr! Great week in television by the way!

1.) Grey's...

Loved most of the episode. I did however HATE the ending. Big time cliff hanger! I have always been more of a George fan that an Izzie fan, but I'm so torn or who I want to stay! I am really liking Izzie now because of who she brings out in Alex!

2.) Dancing With The Stars...

SO SO HAPPY! I loved Gilles (I am pretty sure if I said otherwise I would have an angry mob of women trying to kill me), but Mark is my all time favorite professional dancer on the show and I couldn't be more happy he won. Shawn did a great job. Think about how out of her comfort zone she was. She is a teenager... She probably had the hardest time trying to put on that "sexy attitude" needed for the latin dances. She really surprised me on the Paso and Argentine Tango!

Gilles is an actor so he can bring that personality to his dances (not that he needs it to be sexy)!

and look at Melissa's body... if she doesn't feel sexy there is no hope for the rest of us!

Oh yeah... I hated the roast they put on but my favorite quote (talking about Gilles): "He may not be the leading role, but he does have the biggest part!" God knows that is right after watching Sex and the City!

3.) American Idol...

Can't say I am entirely happy (Danny went home last week)but I am still very pleased! This was a tough season, but Kris really proved himself. Favorite performance by far was Carlos Santana and everyone... Kris, Danny, and Matt killed it! They were great!

I have been on this pretty big kick renting seasons of shows and watching them back to back to back to back. I am currently on Heroes.

I had never watched any of it before but there is so much buzz around it that I thought I would give it a shot. I just finished the first season off to the second. A little hard to keep up with, but still pretty good.

And the icing on the cake:

That is enough about tv... hopefully my next blog will be semi-interesting.