Reality Bites

So, Tiffany and I were talking this morning and she was telling me about the latest reality show scandal. Apparently Megan from Megan Wants a Millionaire was really loving this guy on her show. He was attractive and his net worth was something like 3 million! Turns out he, like everyone else on these shows had a few skeletons in his closet. His closet however is a little darker!

He is wanted for murder!

Big surprise - her show got canceled!

We were talking about what it would be like if I ended up getting on a television dating show. This is how it would be.

I would be excited, not going to lie because I would assume it would be something tasteful like the Bachelor!

WRONG!

Anyone who knows me, knows my luck and I would get stuck on something like Real Chance at Love!

Our conversation went on to discuss the mandatory nicknames (since these eligible men obviously can't remember real names unless they have heard them over the speaker introducing the next stripper...)

And this is how it would go:

If I were to be on Real Chance at Love I can see myself telling them that I graduated from college and have a job. Being in awe of this considering it may not even be a requirement of the show to have graduated from high school or have a GED, they would naturally want to give me a "smart" sounding nickname. They would think on it and come up with none other than.... Anastasia. When asked why that was my nickname because I wouldn't know how that sounds smart they would reply "it is the name with the most letters we could think of... plus if you look at it it kind of looks like "a-nasty-uh"

(The Stallionairs! HAHA! Chance and Real -or as I like to refer to him "The cowardly lion")

Now, if I was going to be on For the Love of Ray J, I wouldn't even have to speak. He would take one look at me, decide I look Asian (as discussed in a previous blog) and dub me "Asia." We all know that it couldn't be much deeper than how I look with Ray J.

(Ray J)

On to Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. This is my personal favorite! I can see myself saying that I am from Tennessee waiting for my charming southern name like "Belle for southern belle, or something off the wall that he would care about like "Whiskey" (since Jack Daniels is made in Tennessee) but instead he comes out with "Dirty" because apparently I "represent the dirty south." Are you kidding me?

(Bret Michaels)

And finally, onto the mother of all reality dating shows... Flavor of Love. I would tell Flava Flav that I am a nurse, I enjoy being outside and especially golfing. Then (drumroll please....) he names me "Bouncy." Upon seeing the confused, WTF look on my face he would say "YEEEEAAAHHH BOOOOOOY!" I would have to ask how that has anything to do with me (it obviously has nothing to do with me) his response would only be a blank stare as he did not understand that I was speaking!

(Flavor Flav)

Sadly, I would never find out why my name was "Bouncy" because in this show, like all the others, I would have gone home before the second episode. Why is this you might ask... well because I would end up getting my ass kicked because I never wanted to make out with other contestants and refused to strip. It would be a mass mob trying to figure out why they couldn't pull out my extensions not realizing that I have what is considered real hair! I wouldn't care though, because I would have been on a drinking binge for so long because I couldn't stand it that I would never be the same!

Needless to say, don't be watching out for me!