Ch-ch-ch-changes

Hello neglected readers! As you have probably noticed I have been neglecting my blogging duties. I have been in a funk. For that I am sorry. Sorry to you and sorry to myself. Maybe that is why I have been in this phase, I've been feeling too sorry for myself! I'm done with that, it is no fun!I feel like I've been under the surface, and for the first time I have emerged, come up for air. I've forgotten just how sweet it tastes, and the beauty of things! Over the last few months I have endured money problems, major family issues, and (sigh...)boy troubles (that seems so trivial, but can really put you off kilter). So, now I'm taking a breath, appreciating it as it enter my lungs, and can actually feel it spreading right down to my toes!

Since my last blog (the desperately sad update) I have had, yet again more changes in my life. I think they are for the better this time.

New job now! As I am still uncomfortable about staying @ the last job for a mere 7 months, I can now fully appreciate my current job! I am a nurse in the trauma intensive care unit @ UT hospital. (Saying it out loud makes me feel important!). It is going great. I work 7 days on, followed by 7 days off. It is night shift, which is bitter sweet. I enjoyed sleeping @ night and feeling normal, but I think I may be a night-shifter @ heart. I see terribly sad things, tragedies that you can only hold your breath and pray you never experience first hand. But @ the same time, I feel blessed to be a part of trying to put them back together. Even if the outcome is less than favorable, I know first hand that person, that soul got every imaginable opportunity @ another chance. Sometimes you don't get a second chance and for that, I am sad. But it just makes you appreciate the important things. I'm not going to pretend I won't still take advantage of things and get caught up in the petty unimportant things, I am only human. But for now it is like seeing things clearly for the first time, appreciating the beauty and gift things hold.

I was up last night thinking about this blog and didn't even realize how theraputic it is for me. It seems like I don't realize things until I articulate them into words. Words that I can see, know that I have written and it is like something foreign hits home.I didn't know what I was going to say when I started typing, just let my mind wander. Even as I am writting this now, I didn't know I felt this way until the words poured out of me. From my mind to to my finger tips. Then reading them outloud, realizing the honesty I didn't know was lost inside me the entire time.

As I'm sure I have bored you long enough, just know I am back. This is Bethany, you may not have seen her for awhile (I surely haven't). But it is great to meet you!

Have a blessed day and a safe holiday weekend!

I am NOT happy...

As you can tell... I am not happy, and it is completely and utterly my fault! I have gone through a lot of changing lately! A lot. Allow me to catch you up.

1.) New job
2.) New city/new place
3.) Allowed myself to like someone.
4.) New dog!!!

Now allow me to tell you why almost all of these have blown up in my face!

1.) Hate it! Totally different than my old job, the one I loved, enjoyed and really didn't feel like I was working. I was constantly learning, doing, and using my skills for which I paid a shit ton of money to learn! Now my day consists of these phrases repeated endlessly... "Your all finished! Surgery is over." "What can I get you to drink?" Do you want saltines, graham crackers, or club crackers?" "I'll give you a pain pill then it will almost be time to go!" "Bye, take care!" That is all...

2.) New city... Love it. Price? Hate it. I will have you know moving here has doubled ALL of my bills. Rent, doubled. Utilities, doubled. Cable, don't know how, but doubled. New place, very nice in a ghetto sort of way... Lol! Here less than 48 hrs and the cops and 2 ambulances were at the place below me following a screaming match. Someone left on a stretcher... Did I mention rent has doubled?

3.) Allowing myself to like someone... Bit me in the ass! Surprise. Ladies I am begging you, if your head and your heart tell you 2 different things, listen to your head! That is why you think with your brain, and not your heart. There are no "heart waves telling you to breath, last time I checked. Would the only organ that is telling you to breath so that you stay alive really steer you wrong? Thank you, case in point!

4.) My little Oliver! The only thing not currently going wrong! He is a beautiful loving golden doodle! His name is Oliver Declan Edwards (he's irish and doesn't even know it-minus the last name, and I'm not even sure Oliver is irish.. probably not! I try and speak to him in an irish accent, but it seems to come out in broken British!)

Oh yeah, I finally got a fire under my butt about going back to school to find out that I missed the deadline and it will be at least another 2 years before I could even possibly get in! Nice!!!

So here is to a prosperous new ****-ing (insert bad word of your choice, preferably the one that starts with "f") year!

It can only get better, right! :-/

"This is how it works, you're young until you're not, you love until don't, you try until you can't, you laugh until you cry, you cry until you laugh, and everyone must breath until their dying breath" - Regina Spektor

LOVE IT!

I'm back!

So sorry it has taken me so long, I have suffered a nasty spell of writer's block! It isn't that I haven't had anything to write about, I just couldn't make myself write it! But, I am back!

About a week after my last post, I had a surreal moment! You won't believe it! If you don't remember the last one you can read it, but to summarize it was about celebrity dating shows...

So, I am standing in the shoe dept. at Belk (sad... I know...) and Tiffany was getting her watch fixed at the jewelry counter when my cell phone rings. I look at the id and it is Tiffany. I look at her and she has a huge giddy smile on her face. So I answer it and she says "Hoops is standing right in front of you!"

Now, for those of you who don't watch all of these shows, Hoops was the season 1 winner of Flavor of Love. She was always my favorite and I still don't understand why in the world she would go on a show to win dates with what i consider the ugliest man alive, next to Snoop Dogg. However...

I look up and there is a woman looking at the same table as I am with a very distinct likeness to Hoops. I smile at Tiff and mumble something to the effect of "Yeah.. uh-huh"

Tiff said "No it really is" and I said "I know, it looks just like her!"

So then, Tiff and I meet back up and she tells me the whole story about all of the people around here were talking about it and that it was in fact Hoops! Now, she is not at all what I expected, she is barely 5' tall, and her arms are all tatted up!

As we exit the store and get into the car, Hoops does the same with her entourage--a very different story entirely! So in the car, with the blog in mind I decide we are going to do a drive by and take a picture so that I can show you! The picture isn't great, but hopefully you will at least get a laugh about the fact we even attempted to take one!

I am not sure if you are able to see, but she is in front of the guy in the blue shirt, mostly covered by the car!

Earlier this week, I was given an opportunity in which I turned down, to go hang out with and even play rockband with hoops! haha! You can ask Alivia how that was!

Reality Bites

So, Tiffany and I were talking this morning and she was telling me about the latest reality show scandal. Apparently Megan from Megan Wants a Millionaire was really loving this guy on her show. He was attractive and his net worth was something like 3 million! Turns out he, like everyone else on these shows had a few skeletons in his closet. His closet however is a little darker!

He is wanted for murder!

Big surprise - her show got canceled!

We were talking about what it would be like if I ended up getting on a television dating show. This is how it would be.

I would be excited, not going to lie because I would assume it would be something tasteful like the Bachelor!

WRONG!

Anyone who knows me, knows my luck and I would get stuck on something like Real Chance at Love!

Our conversation went on to discuss the mandatory nicknames (since these eligible men obviously can't remember real names unless they have heard them over the speaker introducing the next stripper...)

And this is how it would go:

If I were to be on Real Chance at Love I can see myself telling them that I graduated from college and have a job. Being in awe of this considering it may not even be a requirement of the show to have graduated from high school or have a GED, they would naturally want to give me a "smart" sounding nickname. They would think on it and come up with none other than.... Anastasia. When asked why that was my nickname because I wouldn't know how that sounds smart they would reply "it is the name with the most letters we could think of... plus if you look at it it kind of looks like "a-nasty-uh"

(The Stallionairs! HAHA! Chance and Real -or as I like to refer to him "The cowardly lion")

Now, if I was going to be on For the Love of Ray J, I wouldn't even have to speak. He would take one look at me, decide I look Asian (as discussed in a previous blog) and dub me "Asia." We all know that it couldn't be much deeper than how I look with Ray J.

(Ray J)

On to Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. This is my personal favorite! I can see myself saying that I am from Tennessee waiting for my charming southern name like "Belle for southern belle, or something off the wall that he would care about like "Whiskey" (since Jack Daniels is made in Tennessee) but instead he comes out with "Dirty" because apparently I "represent the dirty south." Are you kidding me?

(Bret Michaels)

And finally, onto the mother of all reality dating shows... Flavor of Love. I would tell Flava Flav that I am a nurse, I enjoy being outside and especially golfing. Then (drumroll please....) he names me "Bouncy." Upon seeing the confused, WTF look on my face he would say "YEEEEAAAHHH BOOOOOOY!" I would have to ask how that has anything to do with me (it obviously has nothing to do with me) his response would only be a blank stare as he did not understand that I was speaking!

(Flavor Flav)

Sadly, I would never find out why my name was "Bouncy" because in this show, like all the others, I would have gone home before the second episode. Why is this you might ask... well because I would end up getting my ass kicked because I never wanted to make out with other contestants and refused to strip. It would be a mass mob trying to figure out why they couldn't pull out my extensions not realizing that I have what is considered real hair! I wouldn't care though, because I would have been on a drinking binge for so long because I couldn't stand it that I would never be the same!

Needless to say, don't be watching out for me!

On a sad note I have lost/temporarily misplaced my ipod. I sincerely hope for the misplaced because I will die at work this week without it!

You know what is great?

Going shopping and having the sales guy MAKE you model EVERYTHING, while he runs back out and grabs things that he thinks will look "fabulous" on you!

But... Only if you are pretty sure he bats for the other team... :)

So about 6 months ago my friend Jerrell was going to San Fran on a vacation. He wanted to go shopping in Nashville to find some stuff to take on his trip. He asked me if I would like to go, and I said sure because I had nothing else to do!

We were going in a whole bunch of stores, finding nothing. I wasn't even looking to spend money. We found ourselves in Express. Jerrell found nothing, and I found a shirt I decided to try on. I told Jerrell I would catch up to him in the next store.

Enter: my best friend for the day!

The salesman started me a fitting room and I tried on my one shirt... While I am in there I hear "Come out when you have it on, I want to see it!"

So I said "Ok..."

And from there we were fast friends!

It began with him telling me it looked "good, but there he had something in mind that would be way better"

He brought about 6 pieces to the fitting room asking again for me to show them to him. Now, I am 100% confident that he was not into me, as I lack a few parts he would be interested in.

This went on for 2 HOURS! Even through one of his friends coming in and trying things on. She was not a large girl, but was at least a size bigger than I am (that is generous). She was saying that the pants I had on were great, and she loved the top. She wanted to try it on, would I mind handing it over when I was finished! This was provoked a line of snickers and smirks from my new best friend! When she closed the door, he leaned over and whispered in my ear something to the effect that she was crazy if she thought she could wear that size and that she is deluded for thinking that she could even pull it over her head!

It was great fun! 3 calls from Jerrell and $200 dollars later, I left feeling much more confident and with me owning a pair of skinny jeans I NEVER dreamed I would own, and a pair of black leggings that I vowed were the ugliest things, and I would never waste money on!

Needless to say, I am glad he wasn't a car salesman!