Ch-ch-ch-changes

Hello neglected readers! As you have probably noticed I have been neglecting my blogging duties. I have been in a funk. For that I am sorry. Sorry to you and sorry to myself. Maybe that is why I have been in this phase, I've been feeling too sorry for myself! I'm done with that, it is no fun!I feel like I've been under the surface, and for the first time I have emerged, come up for air. I've forgotten just how sweet it tastes, and the beauty of things! Over the last few months I have endured money problems, major family issues, and (sigh...)boy troubles (that seems so trivial, but can really put you off kilter). So, now I'm taking a breath, appreciating it as it enter my lungs, and can actually feel it spreading right down to my toes!

Since my last blog (the desperately sad update) I have had, yet again more changes in my life. I think they are for the better this time.

New job now! As I am still uncomfortable about staying @ the last job for a mere 7 months, I can now fully appreciate my current job! I am a nurse in the trauma intensive care unit @ UT hospital. (Saying it out loud makes me feel important!). It is going great. I work 7 days on, followed by 7 days off. It is night shift, which is bitter sweet. I enjoyed sleeping @ night and feeling normal, but I think I may be a night-shifter @ heart. I see terribly sad things, tragedies that you can only hold your breath and pray you never experience first hand. But @ the same time, I feel blessed to be a part of trying to put them back together. Even if the outcome is less than favorable, I know first hand that person, that soul got every imaginable opportunity @ another chance. Sometimes you don't get a second chance and for that, I am sad. But it just makes you appreciate the important things. I'm not going to pretend I won't still take advantage of things and get caught up in the petty unimportant things, I am only human. But for now it is like seeing things clearly for the first time, appreciating the beauty and gift things hold.

I was up last night thinking about this blog and didn't even realize how theraputic it is for me. It seems like I don't realize things until I articulate them into words. Words that I can see, know that I have written and it is like something foreign hits home.I didn't know what I was going to say when I started typing, just let my mind wander. Even as I am writting this now, I didn't know I felt this way until the words poured out of me. From my mind to to my finger tips. Then reading them outloud, realizing the honesty I didn't know was lost inside me the entire time.

As I'm sure I have bored you long enough, just know I am back. This is Bethany, you may not have seen her for awhile (I surely haven't). But it is great to meet you!

Have a blessed day and a safe holiday weekend!

I am NOT happy...

As you can tell... I am not happy, and it is completely and utterly my fault! I have gone through a lot of changing lately! A lot. Allow me to catch you up.

1.) New job
2.) New city/new place
3.) Allowed myself to like someone.
4.) New dog!!!

Now allow me to tell you why almost all of these have blown up in my face!

1.) Hate it! Totally different than my old job, the one I loved, enjoyed and really didn't feel like I was working. I was constantly learning, doing, and using my skills for which I paid a shit ton of money to learn! Now my day consists of these phrases repeated endlessly... "Your all finished! Surgery is over." "What can I get you to drink?" Do you want saltines, graham crackers, or club crackers?" "I'll give you a pain pill then it will almost be time to go!" "Bye, take care!" That is all...

2.) New city... Love it. Price? Hate it. I will have you know moving here has doubled ALL of my bills. Rent, doubled. Utilities, doubled. Cable, don't know how, but doubled. New place, very nice in a ghetto sort of way... Lol! Here less than 48 hrs and the cops and 2 ambulances were at the place below me following a screaming match. Someone left on a stretcher... Did I mention rent has doubled?

3.) Allowing myself to like someone... Bit me in the ass! Surprise. Ladies I am begging you, if your head and your heart tell you 2 different things, listen to your head! That is why you think with your brain, and not your heart. There are no "heart waves telling you to breath, last time I checked. Would the only organ that is telling you to breath so that you stay alive really steer you wrong? Thank you, case in point!

4.) My little Oliver! The only thing not currently going wrong! He is a beautiful loving golden doodle! His name is Oliver Declan Edwards (he's irish and doesn't even know it-minus the last name, and I'm not even sure Oliver is irish.. probably not! I try and speak to him in an irish accent, but it seems to come out in broken British!)

Oh yeah, I finally got a fire under my butt about going back to school to find out that I missed the deadline and it will be at least another 2 years before I could even possibly get in! Nice!!!

So here is to a prosperous new ****-ing (insert bad word of your choice, preferably the one that starts with "f") year!

It can only get better, right! :-/