Reality Bites

So, Tiffany and I were talking this morning and she was telling me about the latest reality show scandal. Apparently Megan from Megan Wants a Millionaire was really loving this guy on her show. He was attractive and his net worth was something like 3 million! Turns out he, like everyone else on these shows had a few skeletons in his closet. His closet however is a little darker!

He is wanted for murder!

Big surprise - her show got canceled!

We were talking about what it would be like if I ended up getting on a television dating show. This is how it would be.

I would be excited, not going to lie because I would assume it would be something tasteful like the Bachelor!

WRONG!

Anyone who knows me, knows my luck and I would get stuck on something like Real Chance at Love!

Our conversation went on to discuss the mandatory nicknames (since these eligible men obviously can't remember real names unless they have heard them over the speaker introducing the next stripper...)

And this is how it would go:

If I were to be on Real Chance at Love I can see myself telling them that I graduated from college and have a job. Being in awe of this considering it may not even be a requirement of the show to have graduated from high school or have a GED, they would naturally want to give me a "smart" sounding nickname. They would think on it and come up with none other than.... Anastasia. When asked why that was my nickname because I wouldn't know how that sounds smart they would reply "it is the name with the most letters we could think of... plus if you look at it it kind of looks like "a-nasty-uh"

(The Stallionairs! HAHA! Chance and Real -or as I like to refer to him "The cowardly lion")

Now, if I was going to be on For the Love of Ray J, I wouldn't even have to speak. He would take one look at me, decide I look Asian (as discussed in a previous blog) and dub me "Asia." We all know that it couldn't be much deeper than how I look with Ray J.

(Ray J)

On to Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. This is my personal favorite! I can see myself saying that I am from Tennessee waiting for my charming southern name like "Belle for southern belle, or something off the wall that he would care about like "Whiskey" (since Jack Daniels is made in Tennessee) but instead he comes out with "Dirty" because apparently I "represent the dirty south." Are you kidding me?

(Bret Michaels)

And finally, onto the mother of all reality dating shows... Flavor of Love. I would tell Flava Flav that I am a nurse, I enjoy being outside and especially golfing. Then (drumroll please....) he names me "Bouncy." Upon seeing the confused, WTF look on my face he would say "YEEEEAAAHHH BOOOOOOY!" I would have to ask how that has anything to do with me (it obviously has nothing to do with me) his response would only be a blank stare as he did not understand that I was speaking!

(Flavor Flav)

Sadly, I would never find out why my name was "Bouncy" because in this show, like all the others, I would have gone home before the second episode. Why is this you might ask... well because I would end up getting my ass kicked because I never wanted to make out with other contestants and refused to strip. It would be a mass mob trying to figure out why they couldn't pull out my extensions not realizing that I have what is considered real hair! I wouldn't care though, because I would have been on a drinking binge for so long because I couldn't stand it that I would never be the same!

Needless to say, don't be watching out for me!

On a sad note I have lost/temporarily misplaced my ipod. I sincerely hope for the misplaced because I will die at work this week without it!

You know what is great?

Going shopping and having the sales guy MAKE you model EVERYTHING, while he runs back out and grabs things that he thinks will look "fabulous" on you!

But... Only if you are pretty sure he bats for the other team... :)

So about 6 months ago my friend Jerrell was going to San Fran on a vacation. He wanted to go shopping in Nashville to find some stuff to take on his trip. He asked me if I would like to go, and I said sure because I had nothing else to do!

We were going in a whole bunch of stores, finding nothing. I wasn't even looking to spend money. We found ourselves in Express. Jerrell found nothing, and I found a shirt I decided to try on. I told Jerrell I would catch up to him in the next store.

Enter: my best friend for the day!

The salesman started me a fitting room and I tried on my one shirt... While I am in there I hear "Come out when you have it on, I want to see it!"

So I said "Ok..."

And from there we were fast friends!

It began with him telling me it looked "good, but there he had something in mind that would be way better"

He brought about 6 pieces to the fitting room asking again for me to show them to him. Now, I am 100% confident that he was not into me, as I lack a few parts he would be interested in.

This went on for 2 HOURS! Even through one of his friends coming in and trying things on. She was not a large girl, but was at least a size bigger than I am (that is generous). She was saying that the pants I had on were great, and she loved the top. She wanted to try it on, would I mind handing it over when I was finished! This was provoked a line of snickers and smirks from my new best friend! When she closed the door, he leaned over and whispered in my ear something to the effect that she was crazy if she thought she could wear that size and that she is deluded for thinking that she could even pull it over her head!

It was great fun! 3 calls from Jerrell and $200 dollars later, I left feeling much more confident and with me owning a pair of skinny jeans I NEVER dreamed I would own, and a pair of black leggings that I vowed were the ugliest things, and I would never waste money on!

Needless to say, I am glad he wasn't a car salesman!

I am a little late blogging about this, but better late than never... Right?

You've seen him in "The Office" as the pompous, Cornell grad with anger management issues. Now see him as the most hilarious character in a movie so funny it surpasses "Old School." Intro ducting Ed Helms as Dr. Stu Price in "The Hangover"

I absolutely love this guy! I just can't get enough. I have seen "The Hangover" 3 times, and if given the opportunity I would go again.

When it comes out... I'll buy it!

I was going to put up a youtube video for your enjoyment, but I can't find one that will let me embed it. So in your own free time, if you need a laugh, youtube Andy Bernard!