It is time...

...to get a bit more personal.

I am 23-years-old. I am young. I have a lifetime ahead of me. I am sad.

For some reason I feel like I should be at a point in my life where I should be settling down. I hate this. I don't mean settling down like, stop going out with my friends but instead finding someone and finding me and who I will be for the rest of my life.

Why is it that girls have this "clock" in their heads. I know that I am young and do not need to be in any type of hurry, but it is a constant battle in my mind between the part of me that knows that, and the part that has listened to all decades and generations of woman who find it unacceptable that I am 23 and single! Call it "old school" if you will.

I am also from a small town (strike 2 against me.) It seems to me that these small towns continue to abide by the precedence before us.

I am in no hurry to find someone (that side of me wins out) but, that incessant tick-tock is a dull hum in the back of my mind.

I tend to find myself in situations often where I know that I am not happy and do not see a future with someone that is (for lack of a better word) "pursuing" me. That sounds more harsh than I meant. I mean this in no negative way, but you just know when something isn't right, and it is nothing that either of you have done, but it isn't anything that can be fixed. But in those times, I find it very difficult to sever the relationship (that I somehow didn't know I was in, in the first place.)

So this is my creed, my manifesto, my declaration:

I will NOT be a person that settles. Someone that takes what she can get because it is what is available, and it is what is easy. I will no longer be the person that is unhappy because it is easier to be unhappy than it is to hurt someone's feelings (even though I am positive they will be thankful one day!)

Undoubtedly, I will continue to people-please because that is my personality, and I enjoy seeing others happy. I will however take my own well-being into consideration and as a larger part of the equation.

Ten Things That Make Me Terribly Happy

So I have been reading this blog (rockstar diaries-you should definitely check it out) and anyway she did a list of 10 things that make her terribly happy then asked her followers to send her their list. She has been putting them up on her blog and they are quite delightful! So.. I have decided to make my list (in no particular order) and post it here for you to see!




10 Things That Make Me Terribly Happy:





1. The smell of home when you walk in the door from being away

2. The first sip of a fountain drink out of a styrofoam cup

3 FAMILY - i have some of the greatest

4. Being on my own paying my own bills and supporting myself

5. My new found love of change! (haircut, lipstick, eyeliner, blogging, etc...)

6. The smell of a book.

7. The difference of listening to a song with earphones on!

8. The smell of a summer rain (ok... I've noticed that most of my list are smells!)

9. Days that I know my job has made a difference

10. Feeling every emotion, good or bad, and being thankful for the bad ones that make the good ones just that much sweeter!

LOVE IT!

Loving Safetysuit right now! They haven't gotten much radio play here, but they are on Vh-1 top 20!

Check out: Stay, Gone Away, Anwhere But Here, and Find A Way.

Also, if you haven't heard of Ryan Adams you should check him out too. He is ... different. I love it. Listen to "La Cienega Just Smiled"

Hope you are having a wonderful week so far.

I did it...

I went on the aforementioned blind date. I am actually proud of myself for going. I don't usually do that sort of thing, but it was hard not to when twice in one week my grandmother stated "You will never find someone" TO MY FACE. It isn't like she was secretly wondering with my mother behind my back. If she says that to my face, I wonder what she says when I'm not there... Scratch that, I don't want to know!

I had a very nice time. We had a good dinner, nice chat, good company (did I mention it was a double date with Bethanie and her boyfriend?)

True to form, however, someone you haven't seen in 5 years isn't the most equipped person to set you up with someone you will have a connection with.

Don't get me wrong this guy was very nice and I could see why she would be setting him up with someone, but for me... I just wasn't attracted to him. Not just physically, but on a personal level either. We just didn't mesh well.

Which brings me to my next point...

Why is it that I can talk to someone I'm not attracted to and be totally charming (that may be a stretch, I may think I am being charming, but they may disagree) but as soon as you get me in front of someone I am attracted to I become a mute? Not just a mute, but uninteresting, and I develop a stutter? Oh, yeah... You know that noise you get in your head when you become light-headed and are about to pass out. That humming noise is all I can hear. I don't even know what they are saying to me!

Let me ask you this: When did you graduate?

That probably took you all of about 4 seconds to answer.

NOT ME!

I was introduced to someone recently and was presented with that question (Insert humming noise - hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm). What do I do? Oh, yeah... That's right. I start mumbling trying desperately to say "Last May" and although I am searching for the words (out loud to make the matter worse) I FINALLY come up with "A year ago."

Yes, "a year ago" got the job done, but only after I fumbled around forever!

What am I going to do with myself?

Proof

Here is proof that I do play golf, and I don't just watch it for the charming good looks of one Australian golfer!

This is my step-dad and I after I just played the best round of golf in my life... some 30-something strokes worse than what a professional would play! :)

But, I enjoy it and it gets me outside in the sunshine (something hard to do when you work nights!)

HEEELLLLOOOOO

Adam Scott

Australian golfer Adam Scott

Umm... Yeah... WOW.

I must say that I have always really enjoyed golf, I even played 3 times while I was at the beach on vacation. Like I said in my previous post I really did sit in the room a couple of hours one day watching the U.S. Open and that man made it easier to watch! :)

Not the entire reason that I watched it, but it didn't hurt.

He has been on the U.S. Pro Tour for a couple of years now, but is in a slight slump at the moment. Perhaps he is a little distracted - He has been spotted with Kate Hudson lately. But who could blame him? She is great, and I hope it works out for them! But... if it didn't, I would be willing to be set up with this guy! :)

Long lost friends...

On vacation, sitting in the condo watching the U.S. Open I received a text message from someone I went to high school with. Bethanie (note: her name is spelled with and "ie" and the end and mine with a "y") texted me to see what I was doing, tell me that she would like to hang out soon.

So yes, I am excited about it. I tell her we should definitely get together. Then comes the curve ball...

While I really adore Bethanie, I haven't really seen/spoken to her in about 5 years. So then she drops the bomb.

Enter: the set-up.

Bethanie basically has this guy that she would like to set me up with. My first thought - "Am I really so pathetic that people who I haven't seen or talked to in 5 years are trying to set me up with people?"

However, I have decided that I will go on this date with this guy that obviously made her think of me after an estranged 5 years. This incidence has yet to occur, but you will know when it does.

How many times on this trip must I be reminded "I am without love?"

It still makes me laugh!

Never...

cut bangs right before you go to the beach when you have naturally curly hair! And this is why...

Before going outside....

After being outside

I love my bangs, really I do. You should definitely see them when I wake up or when my hair decides to do whatever it wants to do. This particular night, one half of my head decided to curl and have a mind of its own, while the other wanted to fall flat! WHY?

Not to mention... for some reason my bangs want to part RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE. Now I can honestly say that I have NEVER parted my hair down the middle and my natural part is NOT in the middle. So why now do they decide to do whatever they chose to do?

When they get a mind of their own they make for a pretty rockin mullet! They part perfectly down the center and feather out to the sides, all I have to do is put my hair behind my ears and TA-DA... The "Billy Ray Cyrus mullet" lives again! I will save you the side-splitting laughter and not post a picture. But if you ever happen to see me after I get out of the water... Watch out!

Mullets: Business in the front, Party in the back!

Perhaps this is why I'm "The only one without love." Ha!