It is time...

...to get a bit more personal.

I am 23-years-old. I am young. I have a lifetime ahead of me. I am sad.

For some reason I feel like I should be at a point in my life where I should be settling down. I hate this. I don't mean settling down like, stop going out with my friends but instead finding someone and finding me and who I will be for the rest of my life.

Why is it that girls have this "clock" in their heads. I know that I am young and do not need to be in any type of hurry, but it is a constant battle in my mind between the part of me that knows that, and the part that has listened to all decades and generations of woman who find it unacceptable that I am 23 and single! Call it "old school" if you will.

I am also from a small town (strike 2 against me.) It seems to me that these small towns continue to abide by the precedence before us.

I am in no hurry to find someone (that side of me wins out) but, that incessant tick-tock is a dull hum in the back of my mind.

I tend to find myself in situations often where I know that I am not happy and do not see a future with someone that is (for lack of a better word) "pursuing" me. That sounds more harsh than I meant. I mean this in no negative way, but you just know when something isn't right, and it is nothing that either of you have done, but it isn't anything that can be fixed. But in those times, I find it very difficult to sever the relationship (that I somehow didn't know I was in, in the first place.)

So this is my creed, my manifesto, my declaration:

I will NOT be a person that settles. Someone that takes what she can get because it is what is available, and it is what is easy. I will no longer be the person that is unhappy because it is easier to be unhappy than it is to hurt someone's feelings (even though I am positive they will be thankful one day!)

Undoubtedly, I will continue to people-please because that is my personality, and I enjoy seeing others happy. I will however take my own well-being into consideration and as a larger part of the equation.